Jealousy
Mable is jealous that Bernice is recently engaged to be married. Mable has no immediate prospect even of a serious relationship. Mable has preceded Bernice in accomplishments since they started First Grade together. Mable was a star volleyball player, high school cheerleader, student council leader, and she even caught the bouquet at the last wedding. Now Bernice is taking the marriage prize and Mable is quietly disturbed about it.
Review Being disturbed About Being Disturbed to recall that often people experience a secondary disturbance. We certainly do have feelings about our feelings. In this case we might help Mable better if we search not only for her disturbance about being jealous, but also about significant, possibly more critical disturbances that contribute to her jealousy.
Mable may feel inadequate and resentful. Mable may be telling herself that she is not better than Bernice anymore; worse, that she is not as good as Bernice, or even worse, that she is now worthless altogether. She may resent that Bernice is besting her in the sweepstakes of matrimony. "How dare she do this to me! I have always been better than Bernice. I resent her flaunting her success over me."
Jealousy may include inadequacy (self-downing) and resentment (grudge, anger with a memory—"not only has Bernice done this rotten thing to me; she has often done or tried to do better than me, and she should never succeed at it!"). In this case we may want to help Mable with the constituent disturbances that contribute to jealousy.
How does Mable feel about being jealous? She may feel anxious about feeling jealous, or at least she may feel anxious about feeling inadequate or resentful. She may fear that her world is collapsing, that she can’t count on the universe doing for her what it should do and that she can’t manage life well anymore, that she is losing her grip.
Can you see that Mable is demanding that things be different than they are? She is demanding that the world align to her configuration. She is demanding that Bernice defer to her in everything. She is demanding that she (Mable) always perfectly best Bernice in every significant endeavor. And Mable is failing to get her demands met. So she is jealous, self-downing, resentful, and even anxious.
Let us see if we can help Mable with these links:
Links on 24-7 Help:
- The Big Five Crazy Beliefs
- Irrational Beliefs Guide
- Irrational Beliefs Disputation Form
- Disputing
- It's So Awful I Can't Stand It
- Being disturbed About Being Disturbed
- So You Want Me to Change?
- Should It Be?
- I Demand My Way
Links to other sites:
