I Feel Rotten About Myself
Fred loses his temper at his children frequently. He yells, over punishes, and often abuses them. He hates what he does, determines to stop it, but just continues the pattern.
His children don't seem to behave better as a result of his violence. As a matter of fact one of them is on the path to self-destruction.
Susan has grown children she abused this way. One of them won't forgive her.
Have you irreparably harmed someone or have you done something so bad that it can't be fixed or made right? Was it your fault, you knew better, but did it anyway?
Do you now regret your action, but you can't make things right? Regret is good and appropriate.
However, do you add shame, humiliation, self-downing, depression, anxiety, or self-loathing? That's nutty and inappropriate.
I know, it's so easy to over-react emotionally that you don't even know you're doing it. It seems right to excoriate yourself—forever! But it isn't right and it doesn't help. You figured that out but don't know what to do instead, right?
What you are doing or have done may be bad and wrong. You may not ever be forgiven. Those are just facts. They are not you.
It is certainly wise, right, and good to recognize your bad behavior and to regret it. It is also wise to recognize that you may not make things right at this point. It is sad and disappointing, but smart to recognize reality.
It is even better to stop the bad or harmful behavior. But you try or have tried and you didn't succeed—yet. Or else you have stopped your bad behavior but it is too late now; so you ceaselessly condemn yourself. Right?
The situation may be hopeless, but you are not.
There are two things to do now: stop the self-condemning and stop the bad behavior—in that order!
Have you noticed that so long as you disturb yourself you don't improve your behavior? Once you begin the self-condemning don't you just convince yourself that you are rotten? What would a thoroughly rotten person logically do? Act thoroughly rotten! Isn't that what you are doing, acting on what you believe about yourself? That is the reason to first get over the crazy thinking then change the behavior. Because you won't likely change the behavior until you change your malicious thinking. However, even if you do change your bad behavior without changing your thinking, you are still miserable.
But don't you deserve to condemn yourself? Aren't you rotten, worthless, lower than a worm; deserve to die and rot in Hell forever, plus 3 days? Shouldn't you keep yourself miserable to the maximum extent permanently?
How well is that working for you? Doesn't that thinking guarantee that you'll just keep hurting others as well as yourself?
You are not helpless, you are not hopeless, and you can change your behavior quickly.
Work diligently. These links will help you change your nutty thinking to rational thinking:
Links on 24-7 Help:
- The Big Five Crazy Beliefs
- Emotional Disturbance
- The A-B-C's of REBT
- The A-B-C Connection
- Irrational Beliefs Guide
- Shame and Guilt
- Anger
- Being Disturbed About Being Disturbed
- Should It Be?
- It's So Awful I Can't Stand It
- Disputing
- Getting In Touch With Your Emotions
- Relationship Conflict
- About Thinking
Links to other sites:
