Step two, I write my resentment (Remember, this is just one example; any disturbance will do here). I shall write specifically the thing or act I resent (or that I am disturbed about). Writing, for example, I resent my father is not enough. That implies a whole set of resentments about this one person. Writing one thing I resent that my father did will be a better approach. It will help clarify for me the process.

I (resent) (_______ ) (_______ ) my father leaving us when I was sixteen years old.

Step three, now that the resentment is filled in on the sheet, it is time to find the demand that does not make sense to me (the irrational demand). To do that, I draw a line through the word "resent". I write "demand" in the second parenthesis.

I (resent) (demand) (_______ ) my father leaving us when I was sixteen years old.

Step four, then change the sentence grammatically to make sense stated as a demand. Mark through "leaving". Write in "not have left" over "leaving".

                                                                     not have left
I (resent) (demand) (_______ ) my father leaving us when I was sixteen years old.

The sentence now reads, "I demand my father not have left us when I was sixteen years old."

Step five, complete the demand statement with the "or else."

                                                                    not have left
I (resent) (demand) (_______ ) my father leaving us when I was sixteen years old; or else, I’ll disturb myself and I’ll ruin my whole day.

Seeing that this demand does not get me what I want, but only brings me misery, I am ready to give it up. I recognize that reality does not change. I give up my crazy demand by changing it to a rational preference.

Step six, I draw a line through the word "demand". I write "prefer" in the third parenthesis.

                                                              not have left
I (resent) (demand) (prefer) my father leaving us when I was sixteen years old; or else, I’ll disturb myself and I’ll ruin my whole day.

Preferences don't have "or else." They have "however." So I draw a line through the "or else I'll disturb myself and ruin my whole day." I replace it with "however, though I don't like it, I can tolerate it emotionally." Remember, it isn't the words that are important; it's what you believe that counts. If you change demand to prefer but keep the or else, all you are doing is playing with words. Changing crazy (irrational) beliefs will help.

                                                             not have left
I (resent) (demand) (prefer) my father leaving us when I was sixteen years old; or else, I’ll disturb myself and I’ll ruin my whole day, however, though I don't like it, I can tolerate it emotionally.

I can see that tolerating it emotionally won't get me what I want; but it will allow me to think calmly and clearly so that I can act in my interest.

Work out your disturbance here:

I (_______) (_______) (_______)

You can download a PDF format of the Disturbance Worksheet here.