Assignment on Shame
Concept:
Under all disturbed emotions is usually, not absolutely always, of course a demand you make that doesn't make sense to you. You are likely to discover that this demand is irrational. To give up the disturbance the easy way, simply convert that irrational demand to a preference. The work is in the thinking; so take some time, reflect, and understand what you are doing. This assignment will help you conceptualize so that you may more readily convince yourself to change that irrational thinking, disturbed emotion, and maladaptive behavior.
Instructions:
- Write a simple sentence beginning with "I feel ashamed of...." Example: I feel ashamed of having spilled milk in front of the class.
- Convert this sentence into its hidden underlying demand. Remember irrational, absolutistic, demands have "or else, I'll disturb myself and ruin my whole day!" Example: I demand not to have spilled milk in front of the class, or else I'll disturb myself and ruin my whole day! (Does that demand get you what you want? Of course not! Is there any hope that it will get you what you want? No! It does get you miserable though. How's that for crazy thinking?)
- Change that irrational harmful demand to a preference. Remember preferences don't have "or else...." Preferences have "however, if I don't get my way, I can tolerate it emotionally."
Example: I prefer not to have spilled milk in front of the class, however, if I don't get my way, I can tolerate it emotionally.
Preferring may not get you what you want; it also doesn't get you miserable. Non-disturbed emotions may result from not getting what you prefer, but you will stand a better chance of dealing with those consequences than if you are disturbed. Furthermore, preferring others do what you want is more likely to result in their cooperation under most circumstances, isn't it?
Suggestion:
Write six of these sets one day and merely copy them word-for-word in the same order once a day thereafter for two weeks. Then each day for the next month, read and reflect on one of these day's work.
Disturbance elimination work is similar.
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