Distinguishing Disturbed From
Non-disturbed Emotions
How can you tell when you are experiencing a disturbing emotion? Simple. If it prevents or significantly interferes with your functioning in your interest, it is disturbing. Non-disturbed emotions may be uncomfortable or painful, possibly even at times more so than disturbed emotions, however, non-disturbing emotions do not prevent or significantly interfere with your functioning in your interest.
Sue and George meet for the first time at the funeral home. The day before each one's mother died. Sue is very sad and cries freely at moments; however, she manages the business at hand quite well, even if with difficulty.
George, on the other hand, is depressed that his mother is dead. He stands stunned thinking that he just can't go on living without his mother to love and praise him; he has many unresolved conflicts that he hoped would be "fixed" one day. Now it is not possible to resolve those conflicts. All meaning in life is in that coffin with her. George cannot make even the simplest decision regarding funeral arrangements; he is concerned only with taking his life, too.
Sue is sad. Who would think it a good idea to tell Sue not to be sad that her mother died? Would Sue ever want not to be sad that her mother is dead? But does sadness, however painful, prevent or significantly interfere with her ability to carry on with her life? No. We know that in time the sadness will be diminished in pain and discomfort; but it will be there nonetheless. And that's even the way Sue wants it.
George is depressed. Who would not think it a good idea to try to talk George out of depressing himself? The depression George feels may not be any more painful to him than the sadness Sue feels is to her. The degree of pain is not the important issue. It is the quality of the feeling.
What is the qualitative difference? Disturbed emotions are the result of irrational (absolutistic, commanding) demands. Example: This event must not, absolutely, under any circumstances, have happened! Non-disturbed emotions are the result of rational (preferring— even strongly preferring) thinking. Example: It would have been a lot better if this event had not happened, but even though I don't like it, I can tolerate it emotionally.
Here is an abbreviated list of emotions considered disturbed or non-disturbed. Of course, you may use some of these words differently than we do; so check to see if you place irrational meaning to them.
Non-Disturbed Emotions: (uncomfortable, unpleasant, or painful)
- Annoyed or Irritated
- Disappointed
- Sad
- Concerned
- Regret
Disturbed Emotions: (uncomfortable, unpleasant, or painful)
- Anger, Bitter, Furious, Rage, Resentment
- Blue mood, Anguish, Depressed, Down-in-the-dumps
- Anxious, Worried
- Guilt, Humiliation, Mortified, Shame
Consider these emotions and reflect on the things you think when you experience each. Can you see that you would manage just fine when you feel non-disturbed emotions, even though uncomfortable? Can you see that you would not likely manage well when you feel disturbed emotions?
It might be a good idea for you to add to this list from your experience. If you have difficulty, ask for assistance. You can post a question on this Web site.
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