About Thinking
Brain power: You can think in a conscious deliberate way or in an unconscious automatic way.
You can make yourself sad simply by concentrating on a subject that will sadden you. You can think yourself to sadness. Everyone can do it. I can make myself sad by thinking of how much I miss my mother since she died. This is an example of conscious deliberate thinking. There is no doubt how I get sad. I don't require any effort or insight or psychotherapy to understand or to control it.
You can practice responding in a similar way to similar situations or circumstances. You learn to cross the street only after looking for traffic until you get so good at it you don't even notice that you do it. But you know you do it or you'd be run over by now. This is an example of unconscious automatic thinking. Sometimes, actually, most of the time for most people, it works very well for us, makes our lives simpler and easier, and presents no problem at all.
Once I was at our apartment's playground supervising my son. I observed two children, both in diapers, probably about 2 years old each. Not knowing their names, I'll call one Carl and the other Joe. Carl was quietly playing with some toy, when Joe came over took the toy, pushed Carl down, and left.
Carl hardly reacted. He looked around a little, then went about playing with other things. Carl had some choices about how to deal with this situation and that was the choice he made consciously deliberately.
But Mom would have none of it! She ran over to Carl, yanked him to his feet and scolded him. She demanded he go over to Joe, snatch the toy back, and push him down. "You can't let him get away with that; you can't let anyone push you around."
So, Carl wandered over to Joe, snatched the toy, and pushed Joe down; then he went back to his area while Joe sat there and wailed as if he had been mugged. Mom praised Carl for "taking up for himself."
How often do you suppose Mom will have to repeat this process before Carl catches on? After all, this is his Mom. The message is there is one right way to handle conflict, fight back.
So Carl believes his Mom, takes the message to heart (actually to brain), and practices it until he is so good at it he doesn't have to think about it consciously deliberately anymore!
One day after Carl is married to the love of his life, they have an argument and Carl slaps her. Carl stands around confused and frustrated trying to figure out how this thing got out of hand. This is the result of unconscious automatic thinking. Carl doesn't remember how or why he learned to respond this way. He may even believe he didn't learn it; but he probably won't think his thinking had anything to do with it.
It isn't Carl's previous experiences or his wife's behavior that made him slap her, it is his present, here-and-now thinking. Yes, it's unconscious automatic thinking, but nevertheless, it's thinking that happens right now, not in the past. Carl will need to work and practice if he wants to change his response style, but it is well within his power—his marvelous brain power—to do it.
As we negotiate our way in the world, we develop beliefs that orient us. These beliefs may be rational beliefs or irrational beliefs. We operate on these beliefs in our conscious deliberate or in our unconscious automatic thinking.
Maxie Maultsby, in his book with David S. Goodman, Emotional Well-Being Through Rational Behavior Training (Charles C. Thomas, Springfield, Illinois, 1978), defines rational thinking as "That form of thinking or acting which (1) is based on objective facts, (2) is life-preserving, (3) helps a person achieve his self-defined goals, (4) enables him to function with a minimum of significant internal conflict, and (5) enables him to function with a minimum of significant conflict with his environment."
Walen, DiGiuseppe, and Wessler, in their book, A Practitioner's Guide to Rational Emotive Therapy (Oxford University Press, New York, 1980) say that irrational beliefs include "exaggeration, oversimplification, overgeneralization, illogic, unvalidated assumptions, faulty deductions, and absolutistic notions." My goodness, if it weren't for these beliefs, my mind would be nearly blank!
They continue that most irrational beliefs "fall into four basic categories: (1) Awfulizing statements...(2) shoulds, oughts, and musts...(3) evaluation of human worth...and (4) needs statements."
I once heard these ideas summarized this way: Rational beliefs help us gain pleasure and satisfaction from life and avoid pain and discomfort, while irrational beliefs help us gain pain and discomfort from life and avoid pleasure and satisfaction.
One major goal of our work is to help you replace your irrational beliefs with rational beliefs. Study this website and practice.
The result you may expect from study, work, and practice is that you gain pleasure and satisfaction from life with reduced pain and discomfort.
Results you may be wise not to expect include to become better looking, wealthier, have others do as you want them to do, have the world suit you better, or have perfect bliss in this life.
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